Sunday, May 27, 2012

Doubt

Doubt starts creeping in.

The door has been kept closed for the longest time, keeping this unwelcome guest out.
It's been a laid back kinda time as the belief in myself has been rockin' high on adrenaline.

Someone left the door open after the last party.
I'm pretty sure it was when self loathing tried to make an appearance and was kicked out for bad behaviour.
With the door open even the tiniest crack it wouldn't take much for doubt to slither it's way inside.

It hasn't helped that my ankle has been giving me grief for reasons I cannot explain.  Did I sleep on it wrong?  Perhaps it was the way I stood up out of bed? 
Whatever happened.... for whatever reason... I've pulled a ligament or muscle or who knows what.   Just when I think it's feeling better that sharp little stabbing pain hits to remind me that, not just yet should I be running on it.

Then in walks, no, what did I say? Slither.  Yes that sounds more true to it's nature.  In slithered doubt.

I've tried my best to ignore the negative things it has to say... turning my back on it, spending quality time with sloth (well I can't run so I may as well take advantage) this slow lazy weekend.
But darn it all, that doubt is sneaky.

So here I am again... working hard to cheer myself on.

100 miles is still almost 2 years away.
5K isn't really all that bad... you are up to15 minutes ... and it does work out to only another 15 minutes... you are almost there... sore ankle or not... you can do this.

Then there is doubt once again... "what if it takes longer than a few days to start running again"  "Maybe you're not running because you're using this as an excuse"  "what if you get hurt closer to the event"  "who are you kidding?  you're an old lady you know" "what were you thinking?"

I'm still working hard at doing my best to ignore this enemy of mine.... and it's hard.... I just need to try and keep my head up and remember it wont always be easy.... I guess I just thought it would be further into my training before this would happen.
IF it had to happen at all.


5 comments:

coffee and cigarettes said...

If I can be blunt (and I will) I say FUCK OLD. I'm sick of hearing you are getting old(er) I say bullshit! We get hurt all through life and recover. It takes longer sure, probably because we aren't running around like we once did all day long. Don't dwell on the now, TOMORROW will be better and the next day after that will be BETTER still. Think of it another way. Challenge a fat 10 year old that sits in front of his X-Box every weekend and I bet you do 100k before he does. OLD IS FOR DEAD PEOPLE!-

coffee and cigarettes said...

Just to clarify, I meant the term: "you are getting older"

Insomnia said...

Your 'just to clarify' comment... are you calling me old?? huh? I could whoop your ass anytime Mr. Coffee and *cough, cough* cigarettes

coffee and cigarettes said...

A clarification on my clarification. The point I was trying (and apparently failing) to make was simply in the phrase: "you're getting old" If you tell yourself you are old then it is written. Tell yourself you can't do something and you will fail. The power of negative thinking is far more powerful than positive and takes less energy. In other words you are only as old as you feel. You look fantastic and I know you can do this race. (or anything else you set your mind to.)

Stupid Quotes said...

Thanks for sharing this. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate this sharing this. Nice and informative article.