Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Death by pastry

How many Profiteroles can one eat without throwing up or passing out?

Not sure but the boy, the hubby and I are trying hard to find out.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Head in the Sand

Today I came to the realization that I have spent many years with my head in the sand as I spent the morning digging, working my way up and out of this dirt hole... and struck light.

Almost blinding, making it hard to see clearly what was around me.  I felt like I had been woken from a bad dream... and still unable to shake that grasp of the dream ... I could see what was out there, around me, waiting for me when I am ready to leave this hole in the ground.
I'm a little scared to leave the security of the dark pit I just crawled up out of, worried that I may take a wrong step, make a wrong decision... one that affects more than just me.

So for now I will sit at the edge, waiting for the time when I feel secure enough to step out on solid ground.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Bad Influence

Every parents nightmare... that friend who is a bad influence...

We all know the one, that friend that talks your kid into skipping school, smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, drinking...  you know.. that 'bad' kid.

My bad influence has been hanging around a lot lately... and I cannot say no to her... taking time off of work, watching movies, playing with the dogs, playing on the computer, and doing puzzle books.

Gah... I just cannot escape her influence, I'd love to say no, but she has me tight within her grip.

Then comes the dreaded dead line... and I cannot even use her as an excuse, in the end it is all up to me.   I just wish she would fiind someone else to hang out with....
....anyone need a new best friend?   I'm so willing to send her your way... she's cute, lots of fun and will be friends with anyone.

Her name: Procrastination.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thanks for the Memories

I sit here.... suppose to be doing paper work (sigh, it will never leave will it?)
I sit here... remembering...... the past 6 years.

I've had so many special people enter my life 'because' of these last six years.  I have made friends all from a cup of coffee... special friends.
Good friends who I am hoping to know throughout the rest of my days.

I feel blessed, so much, more than anyone can imagine.  And it brings a lump to my throat... I feel by walking out that door that I will be leaving you all, and I now understand what you all mean when you say "it won't be the same"
Mugs will always be the same, but we will miss each other.
We shall meet at another place, another time, and maybe it will be Mugs for a coffee with me at the table instead of behind the counter or pehaps at my new job, wherever that may be.

For now memories are what we have, Good Times and we will never forget each other... names may be forgotten, but the memories will not.

Music has been an important part of my life, and I am so glad that I was able to share that part of me through Mugs.... and for all of you that have come out to enjoy and give a big part of yourself I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also hope that you will all continue this great evening of entertainment... as I plan to attend as many as possible.. but from the comfort of the seat as a customer.

I've not only been given the gift of music... but have been given pictures drawn for me from young children, a special bean from a special friend (no not drugs), dog bones to share with my babies, flowers, and plants from your very own gardens, decor that added that special touch, your hard work and sweat when we renovated, your patience while we closed when we renovated, and most importantly, I was given the gift of friendship.

Thank you everyone for the most wonderful six years I could have ever imagined... but it is time for me to leave now....  I wont be far.... promise

Monday, April 19, 2010

Don't get me wrong

4:00 am

Now don't get me wrong it's not that I don't like you, in fact you could be my favorite time of day... IF I could sleep through you.
I am so tired, yet my eyes remain open, my brain alert.

Paper work

Now don't get me wrong it's not that I don't like you...... who am I kidding? I hate you.
I'm looking forward to not having anything to do with you.  Your like that creepy uncle who you have to put up with at family gatherings, you show up drunk and obnoxious putting on some loud show that is hard to ignore.
We all try to pretend your not there, but it's hard to look away too.


Now don't get me wrong, it's like this..... I wish you would go away!!!!
Does anyone like stress???
I must... why would I keep avoiding the paper work?  Why else do I leave things to the last minute?  I must enjoy these sleepless nights?  This feeling of impending doom that lurks inside my very soul.


You go way too fast when I need you.  Perhaps you don't like me?  I'm not sure what I did to make you not want to hang around... I'm a good person and if you just gave me a chance I know you would stick around.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Road less Traveled

My future lays out before me, a long road that stretches into the distance.
I try to see beyond that first bend in the road, but just can't make out what is there ahead.

I'm scared, I've been comfortable for so long now that this step forward leaves me feeling short of breath.
But I'm also scared that this move forward will not happen either... so many plans are forming.. a freedom I've not had in many years now... what if it doesn't happen??? 

How odd is that... I'm scared to move ahead, yet scared to stay behind.

It is a road that I've taken once before, when we gave up everything to make that first step.. it was scary then too, yet so exciting.  This time I'm feeling even more fear as there seems to be a fog that covers the road, a mist that makes it too hard to tell if the way is clear or rocky.
But the fear that lingers also tells me that if I stay in one place for too long the road will disappear under the growth of weeds and rubble and I will not find my way again.

So... I take a deep breath... and I place one foot in front of the other....

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I close my eyes and I can actually see what it looks like.

It is a red, thick pulsating cord that twists it's way around my very soul.
Some days it just hangs loose and limp dragging along the ground behind me. It's dead weight reminding me that it is always there.
Other days it tightens itself around my chest up to my throat and around my head blurring my vision from life itself.
Choking me, overwhelming me.

Just out of my grasp is a knife.  It is so far away and looks almost dull... would it be able to cut through the tough fibers of this creature that hangs heavy from my shoulders?

My hope is that one day, one day very soon I will be able to grasp that knife.  Even as dull as it is I know that with every cut I make the tight hold on me will be loosened if only a tiny bit.

And one day... maybe I will cut off, at the very least, the thickest tentacles of this monster that I call stress.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Whats in a number anyway?

46 years 4 days
16805 days
1,451,952,000 seconds
24,199,200 minutes
403,320 hours
1 husband
25 years, 7 months, 27 days
2 children
2 siblings

2 houses owned
16 homes lived in
10 cars owned
8 cars destroyed
9 dogs in my life
5 cats
4 hamsters
1 guinea pig

8 boyfriends
2 high schools
3 college courses
13 jobs
41 air fights (yeah I counted)
4 long train trips
2 hovercraft 
5 drives across Canada
1 surgery
uncountable dental trips
uncountable heart breaks
uncountable feelings of wonder
uncountable feelings of love
uncountable feelings of pride for my kids

What's in a number anyway?