It's been a strange few months when it comes to my blogging.
One reason for my absence has to do with my phone addiction. I find it easier to hang out in cyber land on this little hand held device than deal with my broken lap top, however blogging with a teeny tiny key board has its challenges as well, so I just stayed away.
The other reason for the silence has more to do with why I have avoided coming here.
Today is the day.
I feel it is time to break the silence even though it is still hard to talk about.
I should have been packing and prepping to leave for the Percy deWolfe Memorial Race. The plan was to leave this weekend.
I will not be going.
My heart hurts with the disappointment.
For two years it was all I could think of.
Nerves and excitement hung around me all the time.
I had a good feeling about my three dogs that were coming with me. They were running well and we were slowly building distance.
There was a worry that the miles were not being put on quick enough, but they were strong and loved to run not wanting to stop when we did.
Hubba was losing weight as was I.
The only big step was to practice skijoring with the three together and with the pulk.
That is when I made a mistake.
A big mistake.
I did not listen to my dogs.
They put ALL their trust in me and I let them down.
We had gone running for the day with friends on gorgeous trails..... Perfect trails for training on. I was so excited with the thought of camping here and spending most of my weekend on the trails only a couple hours away.
It was a nice day with temperatures hovering close to zero. Nice for the humans but could have been a little cooler for the dogs.
What I loved most about this training were the hills.... Great training for both myself and the fur kids as I also had to run.
However it is also part of the reason we came into trouble. One in a larger equation.
My first mistake was not packing water snacks.
I was told we wouldn't be gone very long so I did not pack them. I should have asked how long we would be as my idea of not long is an hour or two.... We were out closer to five.
My second and biggest wrong doing was not listening.
I knew my kids were tired.
We were working hard on those hills and Rigby's tug line kept going slack.
His tug line never goes slack.... Ever.
I knew I should stop to rest but our human leader insisted we keep going to get out to the trucks.
Worried about being out on the trails in the dark we kept ourselves running forward.
I should have just stopped should have listened to my inner voice that kept telling me to stop.
Instead Rigby collapsed.
Heat exhaustion took over and he had to be bagged for the rest of the ride.
Rigby was fine by the time we got back. But he has never run the same since.
He is worried that this will happen again.
He does not trust in me anymore.
Rigby was my power house.
I let him down.
I let myself down.
I knew then that there was no way I would be able to get the training miles on or just go with two dogs.
It still took over a month before I could tell anyone I was not going.
It broke my heart and my spirit.
It still hurts.
But I AM excited for Raija as she leaves today for the Yukon and to carry out our dream.
I will be with her in spirit.