So? Are you counting down the Days?

I love being at the store... I love the customers that I see.. I love, LOVE my staff....

I am going to miss all of that.... all of that and more... even the same questions asked over and over and over... So? Are you counting down the days?  Are you excited? Are you happy? Are you looking forward to leaving?

I don't mind being asked the questions... for those who know me, know I LOVE to talk..... but I'm starting to feel rather sad.... no not sad..... a word for sad that is not sad.... is there one?
It is kind of like when my daughter moved out, and then my son when he moved into residence last fall... an empty nest kind of feeling.

I will miss the store... the customers.... the staff..... but I'm so happy that the store has an opportunity to grow with a new owner... fresh new tables.. a fresh new feeling.... I was not able to do that anymore.... too tired, ready to move on.

Yet here I sit with only 4 days left... 4 sleeps.... with a growing feeling of doubt... doubt about whether I did the right thing... doubt about whether this will really happen... doubt about.... well.... that's all.... what if this falls through at the last minute??? 
What will I do?  
Melt into a big puddle of anxiety riddled sticky gooey black liquid that is what.

4 more sleeps

Boobs

To quote a young friend of mine:
Boobs create a very good first impression of someone.

I've now for the past 1/2 hour been thinking of this.  Not that I'm obsessed or anything,  but I now have 'boobs' on my mind.
This quote is so true.  I don't care if your male or female.... boobs are front and center and one of the first things you see....and impressions are what we are all about.... especially first impressions.

Hugemongous boobs...the triple F variety always leave me with a non-human impression... I never remember the person because I spend my whole time thinking "holy shit! Where does she buy her clothes? And how does she ever go bra less? or does she tip over without a bra? etc. etc. Sadly I am not entirely focused on what she is saying.... luckily I've only met a couple women in my life with this sad infliction. But I never get a great first impression of the person... just the boobs... sorry ladies

Spilling out the front of the tank top boobs..... it doesn't matter if they are of the large or small variety... I spend most of my energy keeping my eyes focused on the face while in conversation... finding they are drawn to the mountainous spillage going on below the chin.... I appreciate a nice set of boobs.... but find it unnerving when they are trying to escape from the top of a shirt while we are having a serious conversation.
I always wonder is it because these women have no real personalities that they have to make up for it somewhere.

The off kilter or bad bra boobs.... I hate meeting someone who hasn't the time or bother to make sure their boobs are not behaving symmetrical... like the spilling out the top my eyes are drawn to the one up or one down... thinking to myself.."do you not feel the one boob hanging down to your knees??"
I bet your house is messy, your life is a mess... and you just don't care.

Large man boobs.... yeah... get a bra.  These tend to only be on very very large men.... men whose breathing is hampered by the fat that hangs in the back of their throats.... usually my first impression is only.. .man your fat.
I am too... so I always feel bad for thinking like that.... okay.. I'm not hugely morbidly obese or anything...but still my first impression shouldn't be about weight....my bad.

Itty bitty titty club boobs....and I'm talking non-existent with only the nipple.... I've actually only met one person with this in my life.... and seriously it was only a nipple.... nothing else..... and I felt sorry for this person... i don't even remember if she was pretty... or what her personality was like.... 'cause I was focused on how un-feminine one would feel without any boob... being born without any boob....just a nipple. I wonder if these women feel like they are missing out on something.

However... I dream of owning small boobs.... the grass is always greener syndrome,
It would feel wonderful to never have to wear a bra.... or not worry about a shirt being too tight.. buttons straining.

So... yeah as you can see my morning has been filled with thoughts of boob..... do you think this has to do with not being breast fed as a baby?

Home

I wasn't born in this province, but have lived here for over 22 years.... it is my home.

I do miss trees, and water, and heat.... but those I can travel to find, in fact we only live just over an hour from the majestic Rocky Mountains.

I would miss the prairies.... I can actually hear the groans from my kids... both of whom have moved away or are dreaming of moving away from here.   All I can say is 'one day they will come home to visit with some wonderful memories'

There is nothing like the open plains... wind blowing through the tall grasses and my favorite, the canola.

No sounds but the bristling of the plants as the stalks caress each other in the breeze.... the flies and bees flying by on missions only known to the insect world.

I love being able to see far ahead, the mountains silhouetted in the distance.  It makes me feel free, alive... the world laid out at my feet.  With adventures all around.
And it is all beautiful.

I love my home on the prairies.

Depressed? Unpressed?

I've been absent yes.
Was not sure how to write anymore... IF I should write and what exactly to write about.

Depression... yeah..... I deal with it, I think it is the new fab these days, it seems that everyone is on some form of medication for it.... however I don't like chemicals that are not natural so I tend to stay away from meds.
Instead I deal with things.... and depression is one of those 'things'

I believe that stress helped pull me down into my dark hole....
Whatever it was, there I went.......   
I was swallowed hole by a monster with no face, no name, no mercy.... sucking me down into the deep dark well of mucky dirt.... my senses are lost or limited... I don't hear clearly, or see properly... I don't even feel the hands of those who are trying to pull me out.
It has to me alone who swims and fights to the surface until I can see clearly again.... and what brings me up is unknown... I just wake up one day and I see the light above drawing me out into the fresh air again.

I can only imagine what it must be like to live with someone like me... not easy and I apologize for that.  I also am grateful for those that stand by and wait for me to re-surface.
I'm also extremely honored to be surrounded by some new friends and old re-newed friends who have made  coming out into the open bearable. 

So that's it then.... I can return to my life... begin blogging and journaling once again.. I've missed my daily writing... it's been a long time....
Someone asked me why I don't write when I'm depressed... wouldn't it help?  Well for me I find that a pen in hand releases poison and only negative thoughts come out.. something that is not needed to be seen when I'm already sinking toward the bottom.

And there is so much going on in my life these days... so many new adventures await.... I'm glad to be back to my pen and my keyboard.... I hope you will join me on this new journey.