Once Again

I thought that Saturday was cool.

I was given an 8 dog team to run..... we ran 30km.s in -30 weather (if not colder with wind chill)

What an incredible experience... I feel so lucky to have this opportunity.

Even the slight frost bite on my toes wont keep me from heading out again (although if I never run in -30 again I wont be sad)

Rick and Dena have been wonderful, patient and terrific role models... I can see why my son was so hooked.

Could this be my Heaven?

Amazing, that is the only word I can describe what it was like.

I ran 6 dogs for 24km with Mr. Musher and his family yesterday.... it was bloody cold.... it was bloody brilliant!

There was no noise but the sound of the sled across the snow, the occasional bark of an impatient dog as we maybe were not going fast enough at times and the rush of the blood running through my ears.
The cold was something I've never experienced like I did yesterday, I think it was because I was so aware of everything around me. It was a -36 with wind chill kinda day.

Yet I wasn't cold... my big toes and thumbs got a little numb at times.. but would warm themselves up if I started peddling to keep my limbs moving.... but icicles hanging off my eye lashes was something I've never experienced until today.

Until you experience it yourself it is something hard to describe.
My only regret is that it was not my dogs I was running, I think the bond between us would deepen for sure.... I love Mr. Mushers dogs.. I just can't remember all their names!

I now look forward to the next run! Oh yeah.. today!!!!

Thanksgiving

-16 outside.

I'm very thankful for mittens, down filled coats and toques.


My baby boy has been home this weekend, sure miss the kids.
Lifes new chapter is a lonely one.
both the kids are gone, the indoor dog passed away, the husband spends most of his time at the shop..... not sure I am enjoying this new phase of life.

but I am thankful for the time I do get to spend with my family and the love that they share with me no matter their distance.
I'm thankful for the time I've spent with each of them and the memories that have been left to me.

What are Words Anyway?

There is nothing that can be said to describe the heart ache, the pain and emptyness that is felt this day.

I have always looked up to this couple very much so..... Mrs. F. whom I worked with in kindergarten, was a woman of calm self control, someone I looked up to and wanted to be like. I always wished that we had gotten closer while working.
The chance that we could have led in Girl Guides together excited me and I was so disappointed when that fell through last year.

Mr. G.... crazy Mr. G.... you and I are alike in so many ways when it comes to how we run our businesses, and I always looked forward to your visits in my place and I would find an excuse to visit yours.... I also looked up to you as a mentor for my business... still do.

....and now this..... will it ever be the same for you both?

no, it will not.
when will the time come when you leave this town and the memories that it holds that must be so painful for you now.

no words can describe the pain
no words can describe how I feel for you

Why a young boy with so much going for him.... a gold medalist in fencing, many many friends..... a loving family..... who knows what goes through someones mind.
Why did he feel he was so alone that he had to leave us, his parents, his little sister???

The pain that is left behind when someone takes their life is beyond measure.
The love that is out pouring for the family is also beyond measure and I hope that they are aware of that.... that it finds it's way through the grief shroud that must be covering their days now.

Fast AND Slow

26 days and my boy will be home from his travels in England/ Scotland/ Ireland and I cannot wait to see him!
To have him home safe, sound and full of stories.

BUT that wish to have him home fast..... brings me that much closer to my girl leaving me.

She goes back to her new home on the East coast far away from here in 28 days.

I wish for that time to go slow, with lots of time for us to visit together.... in between work and all the home life 'stuff' that goes on here.

The faster the time for my boy to be home the faster the time that my girl leaves.
The slower the time goes so I can spend it with my girl the longer it takes for my boy to get home.

What a dilema!!!

Taking flight

It's done.
Graduation that is.
The formality of it all, the pomp and circumstance.

Well.. High School graduation.... I suppose there will be the University ones coming up in a few years time for my daughter, and a couple years for my son... but this somehow is different.
It marks then end of a chapter in MY life.

It was commented that life will not get boring once my kids are gone... that I should get a new hobby.. funny... I am so busy that I don't have time for a new hobby.. and life boring?
I wonder why I thought that... I dog sled... I am working as a dog handler this year training dogs and helping qualify them for the Iditarod. How can that be boring.

I suppose my fear is the house being so quiet... I'm going to miss my sons crazy ways... his hugs and high fives.. his loud music...his shoes all over the front door step...sigh.
My daughter has made that transition away from home, coming home to visit and work for the summer. So I know the feeling of her being away now... doesn't make it easier, and this year she is taking flight as she has her own place now... 3,000 miles away from her parents home.

Speaking of my kids they are home now... maybe I will go and sit with them instead of infront of a computer.. that sounds like a very good idea!

Lumps

I had to stop into the high school for a quick visit to the office (memories of my visits were not good ones when I was a teen!)..... I will most likely be walking through those doors only 1 more time this year, forever.

Driving home I had to pass the elementary school.... a class was let out to play outside and these 'little' people came running past me.

I then had to pass a park and a group of stay at home moms were having a picnic for their even littler peoples..... all sitting on a blanket with plates of goodies between their legs.

Just now sitting here a car full of young men pull up to the door to collect my young man, music blasting.... heading out to celebrate the end of Grade 12.

Each of these events today brought a lump to my throat.

Where did the time go?
How did my children grow so fast?
How did I get to be old enough to have 2 adults for children?

Now what happens?

What a Twit

So I popped into Twitter.. signed up... played around on it for a bit.....

what the hell?

I don't get it?
You just write status updates?
Why is this so popular?
and why do I feel like a twit now that I'm on twitter?

Normalicy Gone

A mothers pride of her children is like someone stuffing a balloon into my chest and slowly blowing it up.
It almost hurts..... but I feel my chest swell....lots.
And not for moments that most people would expect... I could care less if they got 90% on a test, or made a teacher proud for some school science project... no it is for the bizarre and odd things they do.
My girl with her dreds... and her eccentric ways... (Your kids not like my kid moments)
My boy and his wacky way of dressing... the way he needs/ craves to be different.. or to stand out, depending on how you look at it.

I love that side of my family life.
The funness of it all... how boring to be a normal housewifey... waking up in the morning to make a hot breakfast. making the beds (don't remember the last time I did that chore!).. coming home after work to work on the house.. picking up after everyone.. having chore day of cleaning the house.
Not to say that I don't like a clean house, I just don't want to be married to my house.. don't call me a housewife.. I'm not married to it!!
I'd rather be out at the park, or on the back of a dog sled... or dog handling for my son.. or hiking in the mountains with the kids.. or anything with the family but housework or just work in general.

And to not be normal as a family is a good thing too..... to be silly together... to not care what the people at the next table think of us....

.....sigh..... I'm going to miss the kids around this fall.... Will life get boring after they both leave?

It will be the death of me!

Do I have some big 'L' stamped on my forehead??

How is it that there are those who can take advantage of my good/ quiet ways?

I seem to do the brunt of the work when with a certain someone at work, and she does not see it... I have to 'ask' her to get things done, she does not see it when I am doing it all.
It was such a long day keeping up with the work.... steady...... so tired.

I come home to find that my 21 year old is sitting on the couch.. tv on... her lap top on her 'lap. doing some work for her dad.. but the dishes are piled in the sink and the house is generally dirty.... I am exhausted.. I now have to make dinner...

do dishes

clean bathroom

pick up the livingroom

seriously????
where is the help?

I must have a loser wish list going... and WHY can no one pick up after themselves???

I wish I could quit and walk away

Financial smanshial

This was in the Calgary Herald this morning:

OTTAWA — Finance Minister Jim Flaherty warned Tuesday the federal deficit for the current fiscal year could surpass the $50-billion mark.

Glad to see that all the households are struggling to make ends meet, I don't feel so alone anymore!

Empty Nest

I cannot believe that my little baby boy is graduating High School in 1 months time.

I have this feeling I'm going to be a blubbering mess when attending ceremonies.... not that it is any different than when Brianne graduated... but it is.

Come September both my kids will be gone away to school.
Jesse will only be an hour away, but no one will be at home. I will come home after work to an empty house...... everyday!

For the past 21 years and 4 months it has been all about the kids....... school and after school activities. I shopped with them in mind. We even rented movies with them in mind. Vacationed with them in mind. Everything was planned/ centered around them.

And now they will both be gone!

However on the bright side.... there will be less dishes to wash..... no shoes all over the front entry way...... the bathroom will stay cleaner...... I get a craft room this fall (THAT is exciting!!)
The grocery bill will be smaller....
......
.....
but I'm going to miss all that :-(

...... but my very own craft/ scrapping room..... whoa... there IS something to be said for empty nest!

Get ready get set

Kay..... here I go......

I've never blogged before, never even read anyones' blog before today.

Do I have time in my busy life style to do this?
Why not.... I journal at night, perhaps I should join the high tech world of today and give up the pen and paper.

Me? Give up pen and paper.. never! It will never happen... they are my sword! Add funky paper, scissors, inks and stamps and I'm in heaven.
I suppose I need to have time first, then I will truly be in heaven.

So I welcome 'me' into this new world of blogging..... off I go!