Oh, The Horror!!

They sat across the room from each other.
Which was a good thing from the glaring looks they occasionally gave.

You could feel 'it' in the air, a sort of tension mixed with frustration and hopelessness.

He rubbed his face bringing his hands to the back of his head holding it tight as if to stop some incredible pain that was building there.
She just sat there almost void of any emotion.  Blank, unfeeling with no energy to even breath.

How would they get beyond this?

Could they survive?

Hope was fading fast as they couldn't think of anything else to do to save their beloved.

Don't worry dearest most important appliance in our home.. we shall find a way to save you..... We miss you!!

I'm Just Singing in the Rain

My ankle is feeling 100% better... my phantom injury has healed itself.  Seriously I have no idea why it was hurting or what I even did to hurt it in the first place.... it all  happened while I was sleeping.

While I was sleeping.. sounds like a good name for a horror movie.

I ran last night... not far... with my 1 minute walks in between it worked out to about 2.5 K.

The plan was to run tonight.  I wasn't going to go to the same place I've been training for my run July 1st.  Instead I was thinking of heading out into the country to see how far I could go without stopping to walk.
It would be awesome if I was close to the 5k mark... but if I can only do 2.5 then that is better than I did yesterday... so all would be good.

BUT, it is raining... I would get wet.... my feet would be wet.... then I could get cold....

whine, whine, whine....

Honestly, these thoughts only ran through my head for all of 5 seconds..

I'm actually looking forward to my run tonight.... maybe I will sing the entire time... should I bring an umbrella?  I'll look for lamp posts to swing around on in any case.

Doubt

Doubt starts creeping in.

The door has been kept closed for the longest time, keeping this unwelcome guest out.
It's been a laid back kinda time as the belief in myself has been rockin' high on adrenaline.

Someone left the door open after the last party.
I'm pretty sure it was when self loathing tried to make an appearance and was kicked out for bad behaviour.
With the door open even the tiniest crack it wouldn't take much for doubt to slither it's way inside.

It hasn't helped that my ankle has been giving me grief for reasons I cannot explain.  Did I sleep on it wrong?  Perhaps it was the way I stood up out of bed? 
Whatever happened.... for whatever reason... I've pulled a ligament or muscle or who knows what.   Just when I think it's feeling better that sharp little stabbing pain hits to remind me that, not just yet should I be running on it.

Then in walks, no, what did I say? Slither.  Yes that sounds more true to it's nature.  In slithered doubt.

I've tried my best to ignore the negative things it has to say... turning my back on it, spending quality time with sloth (well I can't run so I may as well take advantage) this slow lazy weekend.
But darn it all, that doubt is sneaky.

So here I am again... working hard to cheer myself on.

100 miles is still almost 2 years away.
5K isn't really all that bad... you are up to15 minutes ... and it does work out to only another 15 minutes... you are almost there... sore ankle or not... you can do this.

Then there is doubt once again... "what if it takes longer than a few days to start running again"  "Maybe you're not running because you're using this as an excuse"  "what if you get hurt closer to the event"  "who are you kidding?  you're an old lady you know" "what were you thinking?"

I'm still working hard at doing my best to ignore this enemy of mine.... and it's hard.... I just need to try and keep my head up and remember it wont always be easy.... I guess I just thought it would be further into my training before this would happen.
IF it had to happen at all.

Set Back #1

I run three times a week with a running club and have been so proud of myself.

Even on Thursday when I wasn't feeling all that great I slugged through and got it done... if I had been alone I'm sure I would have quit before I was finished.

I have a mantra that I repeat when it gets hard.

"March 2014, March 2014, March 2014...."

Simply translated ...

"I can do this, I will do this, I can do this, I will do this...."

Sadly I have to report that I have hit my first hurdle.
At least that is what I think happened.
I awoke last night to a nagging pain in my left ankle.
It hurts like a son of a... but I don't know what I did...
hence the hurdle hitting....
 in my dreams....
 
I was suppose to run this morning... but I cannot, I will not.
Not wanting to do further damage to whatever it is that has been done...
So ice and rest it is.
Hopefully tomorrow I will be back out on the road again.
In the meantime.  I hate this.  I WANT to run!

How to handle a set back,

Ice
In a large glass
slowly pour bailey's over top
sip
enjoy

Tales of Monsters, Creepy Crawlers and Heros

This story began about a month ago.

Sitting on my throne, my mind a million light years away. Unaware of events that were about to unfold as life as I knew it in my reading room would be changed in a blink of an eye.
No, seriously, I blinked and caught movement to my left.

And there it was.
The largest, hairiest spider this house has ever seen.
Really it was as large as a baby kitten with hair that fluttered in the breeze.
It's eyes were so large I could see my reflection of horror as I watched the terrifying creature lick it's enormous fangs.

I froze, my terrified brain registering a thought of "if you don't move it wont see you"... I mean after all this gigantic arachnid might just crawl on me and then we'd have a serious problem. I'm not sure exactly what would happen, but I was not about to find out..... So instead I sat un-moving eyes locked on the slow moving creepy hairy monster as it made it's way under the cabinet in the corner of the room.

I leaned back as a wave of relief washed over me, muscles relaxing, breathing returning to normal.

The next day I returned to my reading room and stopped dead in the doorway as THE one question raced through my mind....

"Where is this monster now?  Is it laying in wait for me under a book?  Behind my seat?  Or is it still under the cabinet?"

I groaned. How am I ever going to be comfortable in my room again?  I knew it was only a matter of time before I would come face to face with the worlds largest spider.
Arg!!  What if it is having babies under my cabinet as we speak?
Or worse yet... what if it has made it's way up to my bedroom???  Will I ever sleep again?

Days passed and as I had yet to come face to face with my horrifying friend I began to feel as if perhaps it was all just a bad dream.   Although this thought did not stop me from checking behind the door, or shaking out the towels on a daily basis.

This story does however have a happy ending... my hero arrived in the form of 'the hubby'... One evening as the sun made it's way below the horizon, the light casting gloomy shadows on the wall, hubby made his way into the reading room for a brief stop before heading up to bed.  Standing in the silence of the darkening room he happened to look down, and there only inches away from his foot was the creature.

I'm not sure the order of events that ensued after their meeting, but it involved swords, epic battles, fire and an honourable ending. 

I'm not sure why this particular spider had me all worked up as it did... I have been known to make friends with the enemy, perhaps it wasn't big enough?

Running toward my Goal

I've joined a running club.

A club for those who love pain.

Somethings happened to me in the last week.... I LOVE running.
I never thought I would think this way.  Over the years I have tried to push myself to become a runner... and every time I hated it.

It hurts.

It's hard.

Either my motivation is perfect (100 mile skijour race in 2 years), or the right person has come along to show me how it's done properly.

Oh it still hurts.

And it's still hard.

I haven't run far yet.... it's all about baby steps, remember?  But what I have done I am very proud of.
Just you wait... July 1st I will be entered in and complete my first ever 5K run.

Empty Nest Mothers Day

My first Mothers Day without either one of the kids close by.

It sucked.

Funny thing is we don't really do anything for Mothers Day... not really... years ago we used to go to Phils for brunch, but that has fallen by the wayside as the kids grew... and honestly I think it only lasted a few years anyway.

Mothers Day used to be handmade cards and gifts made at school that the kids were so excited to give me when they were little.
As the kids grew it was all about me not having to make dinner or clean up the kitchen.

Now as my first Mothers Day has come and gone with both my kids so far away that an impromptu get together is impossible, I feel sad...  I did hear from my kids, my son phoned and my daughter texted me... it was nice, but not the same as being able to receive a hug from them.

Made me miss my kids like crazy.

Instead I sat outside with my fur kids as we celebrated Rocky and Penny's 5th birthday by enjoying the sunshine.

Penny spent her day sleeping in the shade

                                                                           Rocky sang his own birthday song

Things to be Grateful for

I read an article recently that said one of the keys to happiness and to help keep depression at bay was to write down 5 things you are grateful for every night before going to bed.

It stated that a study had been done that had proven those who completed this act were less likely to fall into depression than those who didn't ... there are more details here if you feel like checking it our yourself.

I started this a few nights ago and set up a rule for myself in that I should be able to do this without repeating myself.... which is hard to do when I want to put my kids on the top of the list every day...

My first 5 things I am grateful for were so easy...

1. My kids (ha, told you they were at the top of the list)... my kids bring joy into my heart just by thinking about them.  I am so proud of them and although they are so far away I have enjoyed every moment of watching them grow into wonderful young adults.

2. My husband... my best friend.... seems to love me regardless of my bad days, or bad hair days, or bad anything days (almost)

3. My dogs.  They make me smile, they keep me motivated, they love me NO MATTER what! They also without complaint (and always with enthusiasm) pull me on a sled, skis or scooter leaving me breathless with incredible thrills every time.

4. My health... Fibro aside... I am incredibly lucky to be pretty darn healthy... without it I wouldn't be able to pursue my dream in 2 years

5. My job.... I LOVE my job.  I couldn't have ended up working for a better place.  The people I work with are wonderful, there is no one there that I can say makes me uncomfortable or someone I wouldn't want to work side by side with... and the kids are a joy every day... yes, even on those bad days.

Five things to be grateful for... it is hard to stop once you get started...

My Mom.
My Dad
My Sister
My Brother
My grandmother
My Mother-in-Law
My aunts, uncles, cousins...
FAMILY

Friends!!!! 

Internet
My house
My truck
My new runners
sour candies
popcorn
microwaves
cell phones
buttons
zippers
blankets
fleece pants


You get the picture....

The hardest part is deciding what 5 to get started with

I challenge you all to start your own list at bedtime for the next month.... lets see if we can pass the happiness on.

CAN

A very wise friend of mine once said that CAN'T stands for Certainly Are Not Trying.
I've quoted this phrase many times since as I completely believe it.

This morning I saw this photo up on facebook

My first thought was.... this is great, here is my inspiration for today.

Then I got thinking about it a little more and CAN'T popped into my head.   What exactly can I not do?  I suppose if my thought process was, "geez if I cannot fly to space today then I suppose I am not gonna go for my run tonight"

However if I look at it in the form of WHERE I am right now then I suppose I could say, "I am unable to run 5K at this time in my life so why bother running at all tonight"

But I WILL run 5K..... maybe not today, or even tomorrow..... but I WILL run 5K by the end of June.
I won't even talk about my future goal... it is too big right now and scares me too much to think about it... instead I will focus on the 5K race July 1st.

This quote is more appropriate.

Take baby steps along the way and in the end you will have reached your goal

Daily Motivation

This getting myself (and dogs) into shape and eventually ready for the 100 mile race I wanna do on skis is going to get harder (in my own head) as I move forward.

So I thought that if I work on motivating myself daily it may actually keep me moving forward and positive and at the same time will be a record of my journey that I can look back on.
I've decided to do it here in public as a blog making me accountable for the work that is set out in front of me.
The other members of my 'adventure' team all live too far to meet daily or even weekly for training so by using a public forum of sorts it will keep me from sliding backwards and even help me get over any walls I may encounter.

This journey that I am embarking on is exciting, yet I know there will be set backs and if I can remember to think of these as stepping stones forward then there will be no reason to stop.

 So today I begin simply

Springing into Spring

What's that saying?
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I hate the spring rains..... okay.... specifically I hate the mud that grows in my grassless yard with 5 dogs.

So instead of hanging out miserable and bored we threw everyone into the truck with the scooter, headed off to the local walking park and ran!

I. Can. Do. This!

I feel physical pain deep within my stomach.

Breathing becomes a chore as I gasp for breath.

My palms become damp with sweat and as I wipe them off on my thighs I find myself doubled over feeling weak at the knees.

Breathe.... focus..... one breath at a time.
I drop to the floor on my knees... dizzy.
Breathe.... focus.... one breath at a time.

I received an e-mail today discussing a get together with the ladies who will form our group that will  be entering the 100 mile skijour race in 2 years.

This is real.

Excitment courses through me at the thought of such an adventure.
Fear takes over as I think of all I need to do to get myself and my dogs ready.

I'm so scared.

I can hardly breathe.

Breathe.... focus.... one breath at a time.

So I stand up.... legs apart to hold my balance and face my fears.

I can do this.
I will do this.
It's okay to be scared, not okay to give in to the fear and let it stop me.