Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Changes are a Comin'

I feel as if I've slipped myself under the radar.

Life this last month or so has been, well, different.

Many tears shed for my beautiful Molly who has moved on to a new home.

Leaving an empty space in my heart.  I so wished badly that the two girls would have learned to have gotten along.  This was not to be, and for the sanity of the humans and happiness of the furry kids this decision although one of the hardest I've had to make was also one that had to happen.

Spending the last of my savings, put towards what I feel is a good investment... my kids.

Travelling to Ontario with my baby boy helping to open doors for his future was one full of adventure and yet nothing but sitting.
Winter/Spring storms that forced us to land in a different location than planned  and drive on roads I would normally have stayed home for.
We truly felt like we lived a chapter from the movie 'Trains, Planes and automobiles" Yet instead of trains replace it with a bus..

Seeing family was also on the agenda while in Ontario seeing grandma and Nana Betty were the important stops besides College.

Dog sledding and skijouring were also a huge part of my life this last little while, and with the extended snow it helped draw out our play time longer than normal.  No complaining with that one, however I do crave warmth and sunshine.

 If it wasn't for my pups and our play time I'm not sure how I would have made it through this 'quiet' time in my life. 
They love me for who I am, always greet me with a kiss and a dog hug, glad to see me.  There to listen without judging.

There were other events in my life that I do not plan to share here, saved only for my private journal of pen and paper. Events that helped shape where I sit today.

And here I sit.
Here I wait.
For what I am not sure.
I do know that changes have to be made, and only I alone can do that.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Monster

Lucky me.

My monster has returned.


Could be the added stress to my life this last 2 weeks... or the new meds the doctor put me on for an unrelated issue... could be the weather changing to spring.. could be I held my tongue in the wrong position when opening the door the other day.
Who knows.

So once again, after an absence of many years it has come back into my life. 

A full blown flare of my Fibromyalgia.

Lucky me.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blowin' in the Wind

I stand in a field.

The wind blows hard around me, picking up objects that are flying around my feet, my knees, my head.
I cannot make out what they are, and I haven't the energy to grab hold of anything... none of it makes any sense.

My hair and my clothes are pulled in various directions.  I feel them fluttering, then dropping as the wind changes direction only to grab hold and start pulling again.

The sky is dark, thick grey clouds are low in the horizon.  I can only make out blurred shapes in the distance. The air is heavy making it hard to take a deep breath.

I sit down in this field.  Lift my knees to my chest and hug tight. I feel my heart... it hurts, a lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow.  Tears threaten.
The events that are beyond my control hamper my ability to see clearly.  To stay above this storm.  So instead I shall sit here.  Wait it out.