I became a mother while I was still growing into 'me'
Finding my place in this world, trying to decide what I was to become, who I would be.
My beautiful baby girl changed all that... I became a mom and 3 years later my wonderful boy came along and a mommy two fold I was.
I love... LOVE being a mom. My kids are everything to me and could not imagine a life without them.
I would do anything for my kids, go anywhere for my kids. They are my life.
One thing that came with being a mom is something I did not expect... and that was the losing of the 'me'
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not resentful or angry over this. I have just been doing lots of thinking as big changes are possibly taking place in my life.
The relationship to the father of my kids changed, and I learned things about him that I would have never known if parenthood never happened.
My relationship with my mom grew stronger as we now share a common interest, one that helped me understand her a little more.
My babies were given to me to hold and love and protect, but nothing.... NOTHING... is given to us forever. We must let go as the babies leave home and make their own footprints of life. I as a mom will always be here as they turn to look back from time to time making sure that their mom is still there watching over them from the distance knowing that if they ever had to make that journey back home I would always be here for them.
I stand in the doorway my arms empty but my heart full as I look back on the wonderful memories that we shared as a family.
It is then that I look into the mirror that I notice me... it is a different me from 22 years ago. The me who had plans of becoming an Art History prof., a me that was going to travel to Mt. Everest., a me just discovering who I was.
That me is still there, hidden behind changing hair color and lines forming in the corners of my eyes... but that me is hidden deep, not sure how to come forward.
In my 22 years I left the me that was budding to start a new me... a mother and housewife (gah I hate that term)...
And now it is time for me to step off the threshold and find 'another' me, not to replace the mother but to add to it.
Time to grow and finally decide what I want to be.