Where is Nanny 911 when you need her?!?

I ventured out of town last week... and decided to treat myself to lunch.

I was feeling rather melancholic, thinking of my baby girl so far away, needing a quiet break all by myself in a little restaurant... I like to do this from time to time... sit alone at a table, order my food and journal what I see around me... or what I'm feeling... or just rubbish... feeling all poetic and artisan.  Just missing my berets and cigarette and the sidewalk cafe of Paris.

The mood is set, and I'm feeling rather pleased with myself in a strange kind of way.   To the right of me sits a rather scruffy looking overweight couple that seem very much in love with each other.. and I say this partly from my observation of how he leaned forward to wipe the crumbs from her over sized bosom.
A young man in his 20's also sits alone behind this couple... a student on a break from his job?  Just behind him is a couple of ladies.. in their 50's perhaps.. friends? Co-workers? Sisters? Whatever, they seem close as they engage in a very intense private conversation.. no smiles, no laughing.. perhaps someone close is very sick. Maybe one of them is.
There are two other tables full of business men.  The first group are most definitely from an office somewhere near by... perhaps accountants? Maybe financial advisers.. no matter they smell like they deal with money, just not much of their own.. this place isn't meant for those who have money.
The other group of men look like they get their hands dirty for a living... perhaps mechanics.. yet they are dressed rather neatly and do not look out of place here.. maybe they are partners in an ownership of a shop of some kind.  Who knows...

No matter who or where they are from.. they are all engaged in conversations that keep the room at a hushed mumble under the piped in music that resembles a mix of soft '80's rock and country.  Or they are like me, happy in their own thoughts.

That is when IT happened. 
The front door opened and in walked a womb with 3 ... count them, 3... devils spawn.   This womb brought with her a friend to share the joy of a meal... one that she sucked out of everyone in this dining establishment by having these spawn in tow.
The youngest, baby spawn.. a female of perhaps 2 in human years came with a male middle spawn maybe 3 in age followed by another elder spawn male perhaps in the 5th year of his time here on our planet.
These spawn made their announcement to all of us that they were here by rushing through the door with an audible whooshing noise followed by loud exclamations of having to pee and wanting a pop... then racing into the seating area running up to tables and saying hi to various people..

All the while womb is oblivious to the ripple of disruption that flew in with her spawn, in fact she chose to ignore them all through the ordering of food process.
Her friend finally sat the 2 youngest down on a bench seat and told them to wait there for them, leaving the youngest to stand and begin running back and forth on the bench seat, disrupting the serious conversation of the two women friends.... at which point womb looked over... and smiled!!  "Awwe" she was probably thinking, "how cute she is, everyone must think the same thing".
It was when baby spawn got off the bench and started to race around the store yelling that womb finally came over, put the spawn back on the seat and gave it a sugar laden drink that no one in their right mind should ever drink.

The food is finally brought to the table and womb sits down to have baby spawn take off running again... she then grabs 'it' by the arm and hollers to the friend to bring a high chair... which as soon as it is visible sets baby spawn off on a series of loud whines that echo around the room..  escalating to a screech as womb picks baby spawn up and attempts to put the squirming kicking beast into said chair.
The womb then smacks the hand of baby spawn turning the screech into a full out howl.
I then sit dumb struck when she then keeps turning toward the littlest one and starts shushing her angrily.

Gah!!!  This womb is one that should have laid barren for all eternity.
Who let this one give birth to a child that was so innocent and perfect to be molded into a beast such as this by no fault of it's own?

My most enjoyable meal was not to end yet without more interesting events.  While the mouths were full and unable to produce annoying noises patrons slowly trickled out of the room, leaving only myself and one other table full of people.
I almost forgot they were there, or that they were loud to begin with, just a bad memory and was just settling back into my own deep thoughts when baby spawn stood up in her high chair.  Womb completely ignored the fact that her child is not made of super strength rubber that will bounce when it falls and hits concrete floor and did not pay any attention for at least 5 minutes of squirming and jumping.  I had just come to the conclusion that this child really was the spawn of the devil when the womb placed the child of Satan on the floor.
And that is when I knew that the devil had indeed picked a womb of the perfect female body to produce his offspring in a rightly devilish manner.
Womb completely ignored all 3 of the Spawns as they ran around the room at high speed producing machine gun sounds to a game of what could be best described as an Alien 3 video game.
It wasn't until the eldest stood on a table that womb announcing "this is not a playground" told her spawn to sit down and finish their meals. At which point the game escalated into a full out Alien vs Predator game.
Womb then yelled to stop running in the middle of the gossip session she was having with the friend only to not notice that the running did not stop.
I counted to 50, at this point completely dumb struck that this kind of child parent interaction really did exist.. I thought for sure that the Nanny 911 show was a bunch of bull crap and that situations like these never happened and they were all staged for TV... I'm here to tell you they really do... and that the womb or parent if you can call her that was completely oblivious to what she was raising.  Anyhow.. after my count of 50 she yelled once more to stop running at which point eldest said "lets go home"

and they did!  At least she did one thing right.

The Hole in my Heart

Sitting here on a Sunday afternoon... a lazy day for me.

My baby boy has been in and out all day, sitting in the living room with me, upstairs practicing his latest monologue, playing his guitar or outside with his pups.

Just having him in the house has been a wonderful treasure.

As much as I feel so much joy at having him around there is still a hole that fills my heart.  My baby girl is not here.
So far away.
Living her own life.. which she should.
I just wish it wasn't so far away from here.

I miss going for a walk with her, our talks and just having her here at home.

When did it happen?  My two babies growing up into these wonderful adults... both so independent... both needing to explore the world and travel away from home.

I'm so proud of them that they don't have that need to stay close to home (they both know I will be there for them always).  I'm glad that they haven't decided to settle, that they are seeking out their own paths beyond this little town.  I don't think there is anything wrong with this little town, I just think they need to discover the world before settling down here first.  ( they are both adamant they will never end up back in this small town) As much as I'm thrilled and proud.. I still miss my kids very much... and it makes my heart feel empty. No, not empty... more like there is a hole in it.

Life speeds on ahead not waiting for me to even catch my breath as my babies have so quickly grown into young adults.

Excess Baggage

We all carry baggage with us through life.

Depending on your family life and events through childhood some begin carrying it earlier than others.  However as adults we all shoulder a backpack and as a rule of thumb it should never be more than 30% of your body weight... and lifes baggage should be the same.

It would be wonderful if we all could just have small day packs with very little inside... and it should be that way.  From time to time we need to stop and remove some of what's inside... store it away in a memory box, label it lessons learned.

Sadly there are people out there who carry it all... and their backpacks get so heavy weighing down on their shoulders... making life miserable as they burden this weight.
Then there are those who also pull along with them luggage on wheels, one in each hand, and carry ons hanging off of each shoulder. And when those are too full they will strap on to each leg more bags that they drag along with them.  Usually they are carrying others stuff along with their own because they are easily taken advantage of by family and friends who fill up their bags.

Don't get me wrong it is a nice gesture to help shoulder someones weight once in a while.. but you need to learn when to hand it back.

I know some people with this excess baggage and find it difficult to wait for them as they haul their load.  I get tired of hearing about how heavy it is when I know it would be just as easy for them to leave it behind.  They must have many in their lives who have walked on ahead leaving them alone as they slowly trudge through life. 
Those who have been left behind due to these heavy burdens are going to be very lonely when they realize that all they are left with is bags... it is people who keep us happy... fullfilled.... and wanted, not our mistakes or even memories (although good ones are nice to frame and keep hung up where we can see them)
Once your bags are empty there wont be much left in life if you have been left behind.

It's a wonderful feeling to lighten the load.. .I know... I've been doing it alot lately.

Crowded House

It is much too crowded here these days.

I just cannot get a moments peace!

Need and MustDo the twins are driving me insane with their constant whining. No matter how hard I've tried I just cannot seem to get away from them..... they even follow me into the bathroom!!  The worst is that they keep me up at night ~ sigh.

Want has also been nagging at me lately pushing me to do things that Need and MustDo get very upset about, it has become a three way battle and unfortunately the twins seem to be winning leaving Want very sad. After these little tiffs I usually spot Wish sitting in the corner looking rather forlorn, it is a sorry state of affairs as Wish has been ignored an awful lot lately.

But what has made life really really difficult is that the cousin that has come to spend some time with us has really made it very unbalanced these days, especially this weekend. NotRightNow has been a terrible influence over me with his parents Lazy and Procrastination not being any help at all in the matter.

Perhaps with a new week upon us I will be able to find it in my heart to open the door and let GetterDone stop in for a quick tea.

My Life

This is my life.

Un-finished projects surround me, 1/2 painted hallway.. drywall and plaster in more than one room... front door still in the process of being replaced... cracked front window... broken kitchen window.
Papers scattered around the living room, dining room table is now an office for Hubby with important sheets scattered among candles and table decor.
In fact all our tables are covered in 'stuff'... all my rooms in the house are filled with too many things.. in places they do not belong.

After the moisture we have had lately and with the sun now shining, the grass has begun it's season of continuous growth giving our front yard the look of an uncared for lawn.. doesn't help that last years plants now dead in the flower bed are spilling out for all to see.

Walk to the back of the house..... as you go be careful not to trip over the dog boxes that look so out of place now that the snow is gone, empty and waiting for new adventures with our pups... pass the holiday trailer that echos with memories of the the kids when they were younger and campfires with marshmallows were the most exciting part of summer.
Open the gate that has been part of our family over these last 18 years. The gate that is protector of our kids and pups, a gate that opens in welcome to friends and family, a gate that ages as the family does, yet remains strong and faithful after all these years.

Entering our yard most are surprised at how large the space is, considering the many trees that surround our property.  However I think most are also good at hiding their surprise at the many husky holes that cover our space... and the lack of grass that has trouble growing all because of these furry husky feet.
The yard is covered in puppy toys.. but not the kind you would purchase from the local pet store.. our guys don't have anything to do with those... nope.. throw them an empty water bottle or milk jug and, voila! hours of fun.  Old tennis balls are scattered here and there and you can almost follow their trail to the 'food' corner.
No matter how hard I try I cannot make this area look neat... an extra large bin full of dog kibble sits hidden behind a wooden board that is surrounded in old dog dishes (we have 5 dogs and at least 10 dishes.. hmm.. go figure), pooper scoopers lean against the wall as well as assorted shovels and long walking sticks. An old water bucket and a newer water container also sit in wait for feeding time.
The dog kennels themselves are clean and neat (after chores are done and the poop is picked up both morning and night)... we even have an old table umbrella that sits open over Oakies kennel giving the feel of a Mexican fiesta.... all that is missing is patio lanterns!

My life is scattered and un organized... my life is all about spending time with the dogs and the kids.. not inside cleaning and organizing.
My life is all about being free and doing what I love best.
My life is mine.... and although there are many times that I wish I had a 'better' life (more money... more freedom) it is my life.
My life, one that I am the driver for.. one that I am the only one in control of.
So. I plan to live my life the way it was meant to be lived... with love, and joy, and one in which I'm happy.
A good friend once said to me "your the only person responsible for your happiness, no one else can do that for you"
Which means.. that from now on.... I am going to work on being a happier person... living MY life.

Dogs...The perfect friend

My dogs.... I love my dogs, and they love me.

I've decided to surround myself in dogs.
They don't care what you look like, how you dress, if you've brushed your hair or your teeth.
They will listen to whatever you want to talk about and don't make fun of your off key singing.
My dogs couldn't care less if I am successful or what kind of car I drive.

They love me for me and unconditionally.  All they ask for in return is a good run, food in their belly and to be loved right back (a good scratch behind an ear and a cuddle daily).

And no matter what they are there when I need a cuddle myself. They seem to understand when I'm upset and will come sit by my side (unless a bird flies too close or a squirrel runs up to the fence).

The never sit and complain about family or the weather or, well, anything... and when I'm with them the need to do the same leaves me... no matter what the weather they always seem to be happy as long as I'm out there to play with them. 

I love my dogs.... and they love me back.... what more could I ask for?

It's a Beautiful Day

Joy shines from within

There are moments in my life that this inner glow warms my soul.
Visiting with new and old friends, being with my kids, my family.
At work with my staff, cuddling my dogs.

So many moments, so many feelings of happiness.

My internal sunshine makes me smile, even on a dull grey day.  Even on days such as this, one full of memories of a special little friend that passed one year ago today... however I do have the memories and those are wonderful.
I feel very lucky, blessed to have so much that fuels this light.

Hello new day, lets see what you have to offer.