The Perfect Child

I love my kids more than anything.
To me they are perfect.

What is a perfect child anyway?

The baby who sleeps through the night and in their own bed.
The baby who cries only if he/she is hungry or needs changing.
The toddler who has never had a temper tantrum in the middle of a public place, laying face down on the floor screaming as though they are having their limbs ripped from their torso.
Potty trained by the age of 3
A child who says please and thank you without any prompting.
One that never lies.
Always eats their meals without complaint.
Makes their beds and keeps their room tidy.
Helps with household chores with no complaint.
Does homework with a smile.
Always fills the gas tank when having borrowed the car.
Has never broken the law.... ever.... even the tiniest infraction.
Never phones home to borrow money.
Always is thrifty with their pennies so there is no need to borrow.
Eats healthy nutritious meals, never skipping meals to save a buck.
Does not drink to excess, ever.
Phones home on a regular basis.
Stays out of trouble.
Is waiting to be married before becoming intimate.
Would never break any ones heart.

And this list could go on and on, but seriously?  This is the perfect child?
How about perfectly boring and predictable.

This perfect child did not exist in my home.

My perfect children caused many a sleepless night full of worry and anguish.  I will worry about them always.

However my perfect child is one that loves unconditionally.
When they meet the right person it will be an incredible relationship.
They are caring and worry about others.
They are generous to a fault.
They may not call home on a regular basis but I know that they are too busy with their very full lives but are always thinking of their parents.
My perfect child loves adventure.
They are both trail blazers.

 Innovators and trail blazers

Adventure seekers

To me, my kids are perfect and I love them both.

My heart swells with pride and I cannot wait to see where life takes them next.

Empty Nest Mothers Day

My first Mothers Day without either one of the kids close by.

It sucked.

Funny thing is we don't really do anything for Mothers Day... not really... years ago we used to go to Phils for brunch, but that has fallen by the wayside as the kids grew... and honestly I think it only lasted a few years anyway.

Mothers Day used to be handmade cards and gifts made at school that the kids were so excited to give me when they were little.
As the kids grew it was all about me not having to make dinner or clean up the kitchen.

Now as my first Mothers Day has come and gone with both my kids so far away that an impromptu get together is impossible, I feel sad...  I did hear from my kids, my son phoned and my daughter texted me... it was nice, but not the same as being able to receive a hug from them.

Made me miss my kids like crazy.

Instead I sat outside with my fur kids as we celebrated Rocky and Penny's 5th birthday by enjoying the sunshine.

Penny spent her day sleeping in the shade

                                                                           Rocky sang his own birthday song

Dog Kisses

I sit outside with my dogs everyday.

It is the first thing I do when I get home from work.. head out and let the furry kids out of their runs so that they may stretch their legs and have a play amongst each other.
It is also the time that they get their loves from their human mom.

Penny loves having her cheeks rubbed and under her collar.
Rocky enjoys his butt scratched under his big curly tail, he also likes to rub himself all over me just about pushing me over.
Hubba.... well, Hubba will take anything, he just likes to be touched... ALL the time.
Elly loves a good belly rub and enjoys her face being stroked.
Rigby IF he ever sits still likes getting his backside scratched.

It is my one time in the day that I un-wind.  If anything negative is happening it all dissolves with just one kiss from my fur babies and stays that way the entire time I'm hanging out with them.

Yesterday was no exception.

The air was laced with a hint of the winter we have been deprived of this year.  The tip of it's icy teeth gently brushing my cheeks.
Purple and reds in the sky seemed to intertwine in amongst the dark bare branches of our trees as the sun crept away to end another day.

I sat at the empty fire pit, my elbows resting on my knees chin in my hands, reflecting on the many gatherings that have been had in this very spot.
Sadness takes hold as I picture the kids in their younger days roasting marshmallows and singing camp songs.  Or as teenagers with their friends, a circle of invincibility that the adults could not penetrate.
Christmas Eves with the family as we sing songs and are wrapped in a cloak of warmth and security knowing we will always be there for each other.

I feel sad.  Missing my kids.

A wet nose and warm tongue pull me out of my thoughts and the sadness flutters to the ground.

A dog knows when a kiss or hug is needed.
How can anyone live without a dog?

or two?

or three?

or four?

or five?

My Empty Nest is Rather Full

Both my babies have moved away... and far away at that.
My girl is in Nova Scotia and my boy is in Ontario.

It hurts my heart to know they are so far away. 
I miss them so very much.

People always say to me when they find out that both the kids are gone away, "wow, a true empty nester eh?"  
Then they always add.. "your life has changed, you can go away whenever you want, do whatever you want" 

No, no I can't.

We filled our empty nest with furry kids.
Furry needy children that may as well be toddlers.  Naughty toddlers.
I cannot head to the city after work without making sure the 'kids' are going to be taken care of.
Weekends away... impossible.  Without someone staying at the house.. or sending the 'kids' to a dog kennel.. or bringing them all with us.
Even a night out is planned so that evening dog chores are taken care of first.

I have missed events because we have had no one to play and feed the dogs or they have forgotten and we have had to rush home.

However, we wanted the furry kids.. and I don't regret the tie down we are facing.  The love they give back and the joy I experience when I'm with them.. the fun we have every winter on skis and sled all makes up for a lost night out.   As for a weekend away, going to dog sled races is so much fun and the people we meet are amazing... dog people always are.

Yet I have recently discovered one aspect that I am not enjoying.
The ability to be sick in bed.
To be able to stay in bed or on the couch curled up in my fleece blankets and hide away from the world is broken when the late afternoon rolls around.   I then drag myself from my foggy world, pull on as much winter gear as possible to head out with the 'kids' .. I am greeted with love, kisses and hugs which makes up for it a tiny bit... so I have made up my mind... I am just not going to get sick again. 

I have no time for it anyway.   And I really missed being at work with the kids.

Summers End

Sitting outside this morning with my furry kids I became aware of how cool the morning air has become.
There is a crispness to it and a smell that speaks of fall.

The dogs themselves have picked up on this as play time and walks have a feeling of urgency that means one thing... they are extra hyper.  You could say that the instinct to run, their blueprint of what they were bred to do is coming to the surface, with the colder temperatures comes the urge to run.

"You coming mom?  Lets go runnin'!!!"

And although I'm just as excited as these guys to get running again and to be standing on the back of a sled or on my skis once again I am also feeling rather sad this year.

Summers end also means my kids have both moved on and away.  My baby boy has already forged his path into the big city and is loving every moment (well, almost every moment) and my girl leaves tomorrow night to return to her 'home' on the east coast.

I am going to miss them so very much.  The house gets so lonely without them here, and so do my arms.

Summers end also means it is time to say goodbye to the warm days we have (finally) been having.  I've loved laying in my hammock drifting in and out of sleep while the dogs play or lay beneath me. 
Although we only got out once this year the end has come to the lazy day floats down the Bow River with my bestie and the sharing of secrets.

This summer also marks the end of tiny puppies.  I swear that with the colder mornings the pups have stretched their legs over night.  Teenagers is what they are quickly turning into and a new fun time with them begins, but I will miss that cuddly puppy time.  I know I've said this once before, but it is meant for real this time when I say... No more puppies for me!!

My furry babies turn their backs on being puppies as not only their legs stretch but as they try so hard to be just like the big kids.

This ending also includes the leaving of a job while I search for and hope to get a new career re-started.
So many changes are happening that I try to hang on to the last days of summer, willing it to slow down even just a little.

However this fall does bring promise.
Promise of a great adventure with a best friend from the past as she comes to visit me from across the country for a week (oh the trouble we shall find!!)
Promise of a new job with new and old friends.
Promise of a successful and fun year sledding and skijouring my furry kids while we seek out new trails to explore.

A new season full of promise sounds like a good plan to me.

For now though, I think I shall enjoy the laid back days of summer.

Where Were You 27 Years Ago Today?

Where was I August 11 1984?

First let me pour my thoughts over the number 27, which has many references...

One which came into the news most recently when Miss Winehouse passed into the 27 club, not the happiest connection to 27.

However other examples are;

*The total number of letters in the Hebrew alphabet (22 regular letters and 5 final consonants)
*The current number of Amendments to the United States Constitution
*The code for international direct-dial phone calls to South Africa
 *The name of a cigarette, Marlboro Blend No. 27
*Alternate name for The Hunt, a book by William Diehl
*The number of the French department Eure
*Abbé Faria's prisoner number in the book The Count of Monte Cristo
*The number of species Captain Jean-Luc Picard has made contact with in the series Star Trek: The Next Generation
*One of the anthropomorphic math symbols Lisa Simpson imagines talking to her in The Simpsons episode "Girls Just Want to Have Sums", which, instead of offering the expected pun-based aphorism, rather unhelpfully only says "twenty seven"
*In Steven King's novel "It", It returns every 27 years to Derry.
*27 is the number of bones in the human hand. [3]
*Darryl Sittler's jersey number is 27

However in my life 27 is attached this year to a special event that takes place today...

So to answer my own question... where was I 27 years ago today?


Getting married to the man of my dreams surrounded by many family, friends and complete strangers (yup.. there were some people at our wedding that I actually didn't know!)


27 years married to my hubby.
Love you H.M.

Wonder what we will look like 27 years from today?

Still looking smokin' and hot I would expect!!

August Rush'ed'

August has arrived.

I have been dreading this month for some time now.  Yet it arrived anyway.
A month full of emotions.

Happiness as I spend all my moments with my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly talented children.

Joy as I not only spend time with my fantastic kids, but also watch as all 5 of my furry babies play together as a team.

Pride in my kids in how well they've turned out, and also in myself as I work with the furry kids to get along.

Anticipation is present while I await news on a job that has been applied for and I want very much.

Fear if the job falls through as I have already given notice at my present position.

Courage as I face the unknown.

And now Sorrow creeps upon me with the imminent departure of my son... in less than 2 weeks.
I am not looking forward to this new chapter in my life.
I don't want my boy to leave. 
Yes, yes I know, let the kids go, and in time I will accept this move as I did my girl when she left.
However I find this harder as I know that both my kids will be so far away, across the country. 
The worst part for me is the lack of funds that will allow for travel to go and visit easily.

Then there is Excitement that I feel for both my kids as they head out onto the path of creating their own lives away from mom and dad.  Bringing that other emotion of Pride back again.

For now though I wander through my days with a lump caught in my throat as we approach the date set for my sons departure.

I need time to slow down just a little please and thank you.

Two Scoops Too Many

Yesterdays conversation with hubby on the phone

Hubby: "Is there anything else you want while I'm at the grocery store?"

Me: "Yes, get cereal, anything but Raisin Bran, we already have 2 boxes"

What I think went through the hubbies head while shopping

hmmm... Honey Bunches of Oats, no wait, she said Raisin Bran... strange, I thought we had that cereal already... but she said Raisin Bran so Raisin Bran it is.

Looking for a good recipe with Raisin Bran.... anyone?

Oh the Memories

I could have written this... any parent I think could have... absolutely brilliant.

All For You

What I wouldn't do for my children.... what I wish I could do for my children.

I feel their joy and happiness and their sorrows and pain.
I just wish I could take all the hurt away.

I know that everything that happens to us is happening for a reason.  That if one door closes another opens in it's place.
Life lessons.

It is also understood that it is these doors that sometimes slam shut make us into who we are, better and stronger for it.  Could it not hurt so much?

Today I'm just wanting to wrap my arms around my baby boy, hold him and take away his pain.  Tell him that there are great things waiting for him.   He's still young and there is so much more that this life has to offer him yet.
He's a wonderful young man who cares ever so deeply about everyone and everything around him.
...and that YES you ARE good enough!!!  For anything you put your mind too.

I love you very much baby boy.... and no matter what the physical distance is between us I will always be there for you. 
For both my babies.

There is still so much waiting for you, be strong, be patient, know that so many love you.

Blowing the Dust Off

Today I've given myself the task of cleaning up my bedroom to make room for a new dresser I received as a birthday gift.

The dresser is great.  Nice and big for all my clothes that at the moment sit in baskets on the floor or in the closet.  I haven't had a 'working' dresser for years. It is going to be such a treat.
However we live in a very small, very old house with very tiny rooms.... and it turns out that the way the room is set up there is no where to put this great dresser.

I have to turn the bed, but under the bed is years of collected things.  Most of them have ended up in the garbage (why do we hang on to stuff?)

It has taken me hours to go through all of these things.  Only because I like to look through it all. 

The best find so far has been a box of all my old journals.
And I'm talking journals that go back to 1983!! 
The journals of the birth of my kids are there.
Their first days of school, in fact their firsts of everything are here, hidden in a box under my bed.

I blow the dust off of the one on top open the cover and inside find words printed on old paper from thoughts I had many years ago.  What a wonderful discovery.

Date: January early 2000's

Time mocks me - flashes on my little bedside clock. on. off. on. off.
Counting the seconds forward, never resting - on to the future.
Of a minute... a fleeting thought
An hour... a sigh, a yawn, a chapter read
A day... fellowship enjoyed, tears shed, work done
A month... money in, money out, deals made, hands shook, connections with loved ones many miles away
A  year... my babies grow older as do I

Wrinkles show up - age creeps upon me - any wisdom gained?
New friends come, old friends leave.
And time ticks on, uncaring.

Where is Nanny 911 when you need her?!?

I ventured out of town last week... and decided to treat myself to lunch.

I was feeling rather melancholic, thinking of my baby girl so far away, needing a quiet break all by myself in a little restaurant... I like to do this from time to time... sit alone at a table, order my food and journal what I see around me... or what I'm feeling... or just rubbish... feeling all poetic and artisan.  Just missing my berets and cigarette and the sidewalk cafe of Paris.

The mood is set, and I'm feeling rather pleased with myself in a strange kind of way.   To the right of me sits a rather scruffy looking overweight couple that seem very much in love with each other.. and I say this partly from my observation of how he leaned forward to wipe the crumbs from her over sized bosom.
A young man in his 20's also sits alone behind this couple... a student on a break from his job?  Just behind him is a couple of ladies.. in their 50's perhaps.. friends? Co-workers? Sisters? Whatever, they seem close as they engage in a very intense private conversation.. no smiles, no laughing.. perhaps someone close is very sick. Maybe one of them is.
There are two other tables full of business men.  The first group are most definitely from an office somewhere near by... perhaps accountants? Maybe financial advisers.. no matter they smell like they deal with money, just not much of their own.. this place isn't meant for those who have money.
The other group of men look like they get their hands dirty for a living... perhaps mechanics.. yet they are dressed rather neatly and do not look out of place here.. maybe they are partners in an ownership of a shop of some kind.  Who knows...

No matter who or where they are from.. they are all engaged in conversations that keep the room at a hushed mumble under the piped in music that resembles a mix of soft '80's rock and country.  Or they are like me, happy in their own thoughts.

That is when IT happened. 
The front door opened and in walked a womb with 3 ... count them, 3... devils spawn.   This womb brought with her a friend to share the joy of a meal... one that she sucked out of everyone in this dining establishment by having these spawn in tow.
The youngest, baby spawn.. a female of perhaps 2 in human years came with a male middle spawn maybe 3 in age followed by another elder spawn male perhaps in the 5th year of his time here on our planet.
These spawn made their announcement to all of us that they were here by rushing through the door with an audible whooshing noise followed by loud exclamations of having to pee and wanting a pop... then racing into the seating area running up to tables and saying hi to various people..

All the while womb is oblivious to the ripple of disruption that flew in with her spawn, in fact she chose to ignore them all through the ordering of food process.
Her friend finally sat the 2 youngest down on a bench seat and told them to wait there for them, leaving the youngest to stand and begin running back and forth on the bench seat, disrupting the serious conversation of the two women friends.... at which point womb looked over... and smiled!!  "Awwe" she was probably thinking, "how cute she is, everyone must think the same thing".
It was when baby spawn got off the bench and started to race around the store yelling that womb finally came over, put the spawn back on the seat and gave it a sugar laden drink that no one in their right mind should ever drink.

The food is finally brought to the table and womb sits down to have baby spawn take off running again... she then grabs 'it' by the arm and hollers to the friend to bring a high chair... which as soon as it is visible sets baby spawn off on a series of loud whines that echo around the room..  escalating to a screech as womb picks baby spawn up and attempts to put the squirming kicking beast into said chair.
The womb then smacks the hand of baby spawn turning the screech into a full out howl.
I then sit dumb struck when she then keeps turning toward the littlest one and starts shushing her angrily.

Gah!!!  This womb is one that should have laid barren for all eternity.
Who let this one give birth to a child that was so innocent and perfect to be molded into a beast such as this by no fault of it's own?

My most enjoyable meal was not to end yet without more interesting events.  While the mouths were full and unable to produce annoying noises patrons slowly trickled out of the room, leaving only myself and one other table full of people.
I almost forgot they were there, or that they were loud to begin with, just a bad memory and was just settling back into my own deep thoughts when baby spawn stood up in her high chair.  Womb completely ignored the fact that her child is not made of super strength rubber that will bounce when it falls and hits concrete floor and did not pay any attention for at least 5 minutes of squirming and jumping.  I had just come to the conclusion that this child really was the spawn of the devil when the womb placed the child of Satan on the floor.
And that is when I knew that the devil had indeed picked a womb of the perfect female body to produce his offspring in a rightly devilish manner.
Womb completely ignored all 3 of the Spawns as they ran around the room at high speed producing machine gun sounds to a game of what could be best described as an Alien 3 video game.
It wasn't until the eldest stood on a table that womb announcing "this is not a playground" told her spawn to sit down and finish their meals. At which point the game escalated into a full out Alien vs Predator game.
Womb then yelled to stop running in the middle of the gossip session she was having with the friend only to not notice that the running did not stop.
I counted to 50, at this point completely dumb struck that this kind of child parent interaction really did exist.. I thought for sure that the Nanny 911 show was a bunch of bull crap and that situations like these never happened and they were all staged for TV... I'm here to tell you they really do... and that the womb or parent if you can call her that was completely oblivious to what she was raising.  Anyhow.. after my count of 50 she yelled once more to stop running at which point eldest said "lets go home"

and they did!  At least she did one thing right.

The Hole in my Heart

Sitting here on a Sunday afternoon... a lazy day for me.

My baby boy has been in and out all day, sitting in the living room with me, upstairs practicing his latest monologue, playing his guitar or outside with his pups.

Just having him in the house has been a wonderful treasure.

As much as I feel so much joy at having him around there is still a hole that fills my heart.  My baby girl is not here.
So far away.
Living her own life.. which she should.
I just wish it wasn't so far away from here.

I miss going for a walk with her, our talks and just having her here at home.

When did it happen?  My two babies growing up into these wonderful adults... both so independent... both needing to explore the world and travel away from home.

I'm so proud of them that they don't have that need to stay close to home (they both know I will be there for them always).  I'm glad that they haven't decided to settle, that they are seeking out their own paths beyond this little town.  I don't think there is anything wrong with this little town, I just think they need to discover the world before settling down here first.  ( they are both adamant they will never end up back in this small town) As much as I'm thrilled and proud.. I still miss my kids very much... and it makes my heart feel empty. No, not empty... more like there is a hole in it.

Life speeds on ahead not waiting for me to even catch my breath as my babies have so quickly grown into young adults.

My Life

This is my life.

Un-finished projects surround me, 1/2 painted hallway.. drywall and plaster in more than one room... front door still in the process of being replaced... cracked front window... broken kitchen window.
Papers scattered around the living room, dining room table is now an office for Hubby with important sheets scattered among candles and table decor.
In fact all our tables are covered in 'stuff'... all my rooms in the house are filled with too many things.. in places they do not belong.

After the moisture we have had lately and with the sun now shining, the grass has begun it's season of continuous growth giving our front yard the look of an uncared for lawn.. doesn't help that last years plants now dead in the flower bed are spilling out for all to see.

Walk to the back of the house..... as you go be careful not to trip over the dog boxes that look so out of place now that the snow is gone, empty and waiting for new adventures with our pups... pass the holiday trailer that echos with memories of the the kids when they were younger and campfires with marshmallows were the most exciting part of summer.
Open the gate that has been part of our family over these last 18 years. The gate that is protector of our kids and pups, a gate that opens in welcome to friends and family, a gate that ages as the family does, yet remains strong and faithful after all these years.

Entering our yard most are surprised at how large the space is, considering the many trees that surround our property.  However I think most are also good at hiding their surprise at the many husky holes that cover our space... and the lack of grass that has trouble growing all because of these furry husky feet.
The yard is covered in puppy toys.. but not the kind you would purchase from the local pet store.. our guys don't have anything to do with those... nope.. throw them an empty water bottle or milk jug and, voila! hours of fun.  Old tennis balls are scattered here and there and you can almost follow their trail to the 'food' corner.
No matter how hard I try I cannot make this area look neat... an extra large bin full of dog kibble sits hidden behind a wooden board that is surrounded in old dog dishes (we have 5 dogs and at least 10 dishes.. hmm.. go figure), pooper scoopers lean against the wall as well as assorted shovels and long walking sticks. An old water bucket and a newer water container also sit in wait for feeding time.
The dog kennels themselves are clean and neat (after chores are done and the poop is picked up both morning and night)... we even have an old table umbrella that sits open over Oakies kennel giving the feel of a Mexican fiesta.... all that is missing is patio lanterns!

My life is scattered and un organized... my life is all about spending time with the dogs and the kids.. not inside cleaning and organizing.
My life is all about being free and doing what I love best.
My life is mine.... and although there are many times that I wish I had a 'better' life (more money... more freedom) it is my life.
My life, one that I am the driver for.. one that I am the only one in control of.
So. I plan to live my life the way it was meant to be lived... with love, and joy, and one in which I'm happy.
A good friend once said to me "your the only person responsible for your happiness, no one else can do that for you"
Which means.. that from now on.... I am going to work on being a happier person... living MY life.

It's a Beautiful Day

Joy shines from within

There are moments in my life that this inner glow warms my soul.
Visiting with new and old friends, being with my kids, my family.
At work with my staff, cuddling my dogs.

So many moments, so many feelings of happiness.

My internal sunshine makes me smile, even on a dull grey day.  Even on days such as this, one full of memories of a special little friend that passed one year ago today... however I do have the memories and those are wonderful.
I feel very lucky, blessed to have so much that fuels this light.

Hello new day, lets see what you have to offer.

On Becoming a Mom

I became a mother while I was still growing into 'me'
Finding my place in this world, trying to decide what I was to become, who I would be.

My beautiful baby girl changed all that... I became a mom and 3 years later my wonderful boy came along and a mommy two fold I was.
I love... LOVE being a mom.  My kids are everything to me and could not imagine a life without them. 
I would do anything for my kids, go anywhere for my kids.  They are my life.

One thing that came with being a mom is something I did not expect... and that was the losing of the 'me'
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not resentful or angry over this.  I have just been doing lots of thinking as big changes are possibly taking place in my life.

The relationship to the father of my kids changed, and I learned things about him that I would have never known if parenthood never happened.
My relationship with my mom grew stronger as we now share a common interest, one that helped me understand her a little more.

My babies were given to me to hold and love and protect, but nothing.... NOTHING... is given to us forever.  We must let go as the babies leave home and make their own footprints of life.  I as a mom will always be here as they turn to look back from time to time making sure that their mom is still there watching over them from the distance knowing that if they ever had to make that journey back home I would always be here for them.

I stand in the doorway my arms empty but my heart full as I look back on the wonderful memories that we shared as a family.
It is then that I look into the mirror that I notice me... it is a different me from 22 years ago.  The me who had plans of becoming an Art History prof., a me that was going to travel to Mt. Everest., a me just discovering who I was.
That me is still there, hidden behind changing hair color and lines forming in the corners of my eyes... but that me is hidden deep, not sure how to come forward.

In my 22 years I left the me that was budding to start a new me... a mother and housewife (gah I hate that term)...
And now it is time for me to step off the threshold and find 'another' me, not to replace the mother but to add to it.
Time to grow and finally decide what I want to be.

Am I Wrong?

I have an amazing life.... great family, a roof over my head, many wonderful friends, food in my belly, terrific furry friends and have done some pretty amazing things in my short time here on earth.

So why must I find something so trivial to 'complain' about?

And it seems so small in the scheme of things, yet it is bugging me so very much.... am I wrong to let it get to me, eat at me?

I work too.  I may not be doing the heavy manual labour that the men do, but I also work my ass off come home pretty tired after work.  And lately I've been working overtime trying to pull bad bookkeeping together as fast as I can, which tires me out mentally.
Yet I come home to a messy house and dishes in the sink... okay.... I admit, I'm a terrible housewife (I always have said that I'm not married to my house)... and I leave many messes around too.

So I suppose the messes that are actually bugging me are the two that have recently happened... The first was when I got back from my hiking adventure.. the second last night coming home from 2 days of scrapbooking....
Perhaps I'm being punished for my time off?  Maybe I'm not allowed to take any time off of work?
Both times I have come home to piles of dishes in the sink, no counters wiped.... a 2 day kitchen mess.

Now... this wouldn't be a huge problem for me as I'm quite capable of turning a blind eye, (you just need to see my house),, However both men are out.. one working the other.. who knows... and I suppose I'm the one now responsible for making dinner (which I was actually looking forward to doing today), yet before I can even begin I have to clean up THEIR mess...

So... the question is... am I wrong for complaining?
And am I wrong to ask that the 'men' don't get upset when I say something tonight? Which guaranteed they will both be pissed when I complain about the mess.

Thanksgiving

-16 outside.

I'm very thankful for mittens, down filled coats and toques.


My baby boy has been home this weekend, sure miss the kids.
Lifes new chapter is a lonely one.
both the kids are gone, the indoor dog passed away, the husband spends most of his time at the shop..... not sure I am enjoying this new phase of life.

but I am thankful for the time I do get to spend with my family and the love that they share with me no matter their distance.
I'm thankful for the time I've spent with each of them and the memories that have been left to me.

Fast AND Slow

26 days and my boy will be home from his travels in England/ Scotland/ Ireland and I cannot wait to see him!
To have him home safe, sound and full of stories.

BUT that wish to have him home fast..... brings me that much closer to my girl leaving me.

She goes back to her new home on the East coast far away from here in 28 days.

I wish for that time to go slow, with lots of time for us to visit together.... in between work and all the home life 'stuff' that goes on here.

The faster the time for my boy to be home the faster the time that my girl leaves.
The slower the time goes so I can spend it with my girl the longer it takes for my boy to get home.

What a dilema!!!

Normalicy Gone

A mothers pride of her children is like someone stuffing a balloon into my chest and slowly blowing it up.
It almost hurts..... but I feel my chest swell....lots.
And not for moments that most people would expect... I could care less if they got 90% on a test, or made a teacher proud for some school science project... no it is for the bizarre and odd things they do.
My girl with her dreds... and her eccentric ways... (Your kids not like my kid moments)
My boy and his wacky way of dressing... the way he needs/ craves to be different.. or to stand out, depending on how you look at it.

I love that side of my family life.
The funness of it all... how boring to be a normal housewifey... waking up in the morning to make a hot breakfast. making the beds (don't remember the last time I did that chore!).. coming home after work to work on the house.. picking up after everyone.. having chore day of cleaning the house.
Not to say that I don't like a clean house, I just don't want to be married to my house.. don't call me a housewife.. I'm not married to it!!
I'd rather be out at the park, or on the back of a dog sled... or dog handling for my son.. or hiking in the mountains with the kids.. or anything with the family but housework or just work in general.

And to not be normal as a family is a good thing too..... to be silly together... to not care what the people at the next table think of us....

.....sigh..... I'm going to miss the kids around this fall.... Will life get boring after they both leave?